TOURNAMENT OF MADNESS: SOUTH REGION

(1) David & Goliath

One is a Philistine warrior, a champion of strength. The other is Israel's greatest king. Now, at long last, these biblical heroes are uniting to take on all comers at the TOURNAMENT OF MADNESS. Analysts call the duo "nearly unbeatable," and the committee selected them as the overall number one seed based on an undefeated regular season. The only possible barrier to a championship may come from within; at times, during matches, there appeared to be moments of tension between the teammates. This is rumored to stem from the time that David hit Goliath with a stone, stole his sword, and used it to cut his head off.


(2) The Word "Diffident"

Voted "Most Difficult Word to Define" for thirty-seven straight years, "diffident" continues to stymie top English-speaking linguists. Famous literary critic Harold Bloom, for example, is known to become irate when confronted with the word, either in conversation or on the page. On the rare occasion when a correct definition is discovered, it is almost immediately forgotten. The word is frequently mischaracterizied, often becoming confused with similar terms such as "different," "deferent," "diligent," "decadent," and "daffodil." The word's season-long tactic of bewilderment and obfuscation has put a scare into the rest of the field, as puzzled opponents are generally unable to form an effective strategy and eventually resort to pleas for everyone to "just wait a second," because "they're pretty sure (they) know this."


(3) My Friend Dustin

Dustin has a blog you can read at http://magomra.blogspot.com. We attended high school together in a snow-bound wilderness, and escaped separately to seek gold. Failing, we settled in New York. Dustin's strengths are his simplicity of intellect, wide, berth-creating shoulders, and ability to demoralize opponents with relentless (and meaningless) associative word games. His weaknesses are a fondness for women, reckless hate speech, and tobacco. Critics have called this selection "rank favoritism," opining that Dustin should have been "no higher than a six seed."


(4) The Know-Nothing Party, 1855

Founded by rich Protestants, this American political party was based on a fear of Irish immigrants, who they believed were activist missionaries for the Vatican. The height of their power came in 1855, when they won several important elections, including the mayoral race in Chicago, where Levi Boone barred immigrants from all city jobs. Although this was quickly reversed by Lincoln, and the Know-Nothings faded into obsolescence within three years, their hatred and fear of Catholics and the Irish proved prophetic, as these groups did indeed take over the country for the Pope. [Citation Needed]


(5) The Concept of 'English'

Used principally in billiards, 'English' refers to the spin you put on the cue ball in order to deflect it in odd directions after it impacts the object ball. Its advent changed the course of the game, and all current champions are masters of the technique. Because of its long-lasting influence, oddsmakers actually favor The Concept of English against higher seeded first-round opponent The Know-Nothing Party.


(6) The Chicago Bulls, 1996

Led by superstar Michael Jordan, all-NBA defender Scottie Pippen, and Zen Buddhist coach Phil Jackson, the Bulls stormed to their 4th NBA title in the decade, easily defeating the Seattle Supersonics in the championship game. The team's cohesion, skill, and consistency in Jordan's first full season back from his baseball experiment make them a tenacious underdog, and a fashionable upset pick against My Friend Dustin.


(7) Vladimir Nabokov

Renowned writer and butterfly-catcher, Nabokov is best remembered for penning the novel "Lolita," a romantic treatise regarding a pervert. Hailing from Russia, Nabokov wrote proficiently in three languages, eventually settling on English when political circumstances forced his family out of the Motherland. Coupled with his well-respected literary criticism, Nabokov's writing prowess gives him a fighting chance against "Diffident," although most consider the word too nebulous for even Nabokov's discerning mind.


(8) A Child's Peashooter

Mostly ineffectual after a disappointing season, A Child's Peashooter was able to defeat the movie "Forget Paris" in a surprise upset. This was enough to earn the final spot in the TOURNAMENT OF MADNESS. When news of its first-round opponent reached David & Goliath, the Israeli King laughed and predicted a resounding victory. Goliath, on the other hand, seemed nervous.



The South Region


(1) David & Goliath
vs.
(8) A Child's Peashooter


(4) The Know-Nothing Party, 1855
vs.
(5) The Concept of 'English'


(3) My Friend Dustin
vs.
(6) The Chicago Bulls, 1996


(2) The Word "Diffident"
vs.
(7) Vladimir Nabokov