Ten Ordinary Things I'd Rather Do Than Haggle With Sleepy's Over A Bed

In no order:


1) Go out on a lunch date with a girl who's a dental assistant from a small Wisconsin town and reminds me of a news anchor from back home. We're both unsure of each other at first, but leave the date feeling optimistic.

2) Get a call from an old kinda-friend who's in New York for the week and wants me to come with him to a strip club tonight. I try to bring up other cultural things we can do, but he's psyched up about the strip club.

3) Have a go at baking a three-layer cake, fully aware that I've never successfully baked a normal cake, but feeling ambitious.

4) Spot a spelling error on a chalk board outside a pub advertising soccer matches, and go inside to inform them of the mistake.

5) Get accidentally hit in the side of the head by the protruding metal of an umbrella. Cringe, lean down, hold my head, and hiss "fuck!" Have the owner profusely apologize and try to help while I wave him off. When he persists in apologizing, look up and say, "man, just walk the fuck away."

6) Listen to a British Sea Power song on my iPod while walking at lunch and imagine how awesome I would have been on an English schooner.

7) Have somebody misinterpret my humor as anger.

8) Have somebody misinterpret my anger as humor.

9) Google myself to see which blogs have linked any internet articles I've written, then e-mail the blog creator to ask if he or she wants to get a drink sometime.

10) Respond to spam e-mails with clever take-offs on the original content. Respond to my mother's e-mails, whatever their content, with the single line, "Kathy, you're being ridiculous."