Ideas

In gym class in elementary school, they taught us how to keep score in bowling.

Why is there no standing long jump event in the Olympics?

It's impossible to succeed in life with the first name Brad (this can be empirically proven).

If you take an extra blanket, roll it up until it is roughly in the form of a human, and spoon with it while pretending that it is a woman, you are pathetic.

Crowds love me.

A monk is a person you have to admire. There isn't a way around it.

David Denby in his article on the Coen Brothers insinuated that it was far-fetched for Llewelyn Moss to return to the scene of his crime just to offer a dying man a drink of water in No Country For Old Men. In fact, he was returning at night with the jug of water to wipe his fingerprints from the door handles he had touched in order to cover his tracks. David Denby is a film critic for The New Yorker, and should not make this kind of stupid mistake.

I'm starting a softball team, and I'd like to guarantee that we'll go undefeated.

Nobody can stop thinking about Barack Obama.

They say 3/4 of the Earth is ocean. But, what percentage of the ocean is salt? And isn't salt considered "land," since it's a solid? A salt mine, for example, you would consider land. We need to check on this.

If you pick ten people to ask on dates, how many will say yes, and, of those, how many will it be possible to marry? Answer: it all depends.

"Grab the brass ring" is a phrase that comes from carousels. It may be the only one. Unless you count "merry-go-round" as a phrase, which I guess it is.

Time is an idea, but it's also a thing. In that sense, it's like karma. But if I told you that karma was the Buddhist word for time, I'd be lying. Then I'd have wasted time and invited bad karma on myself. See how the world works? It's confusing, and that's why only people who hate themselves care about things like philosophy.